This morning it took me at least five minutes to work out whether the buttons were straight on my blouse, not an auspicious start. Mood definitely positive well being, around + 2. Energy – above zero, but not that much maybe also a 2. My survival does not feel threatened and despite lockdowns, I feel confident today I won’t be homeless and I won’t starve = Basic Blessings. Yesterday, did 1/2 a day work – good for what we still call “money”. But my friend troubles me, she is not well. And I think she is not being truthful.
A poorly functioning mind, for whatever reason – developmental, damage, addiction is a dreadful scourge, more so in our complicated world. My friend, J,’s mind is not functioning well. It may be distorted by the voices she hears, the medications she may or may not be taking and the drugs she also may or may not be taking. I don’t know what to believe – because her story is not convincingly consistent and any of the above might be true. It is getting harder to feel loyal towards her. Loyalty is a higher mental function and someone in the grip of “poor mental function” is not capable. Addicts will always prefer their drug of choice to you, those with mental distortions, prefer the dramas playing out in their minds and those whose minds do not function well can only think of themselves. Today, I could ring her key worker and let them know the situation. I perhaps should. The mental health team have to be aware of her precarious mental state, they keep sectioning her. The problem is, in my mind, I do not believe they care about their patients, they care only that they can reach the end of their shift with no disasters and that they can say at the inquests they might have to attend “well, they were fine when I left”.